Hi,Fatinah's here.I just wanted to put up my first attempts on a poem called Betrayal.Feel free to give comments & well,correct my mistakes yeah:]So read & be mesmerised,just joking:D Enjoy!=))
Betrayal
I know you'll always there for me,
Much like how you wanted me
To be
with you
Just with you.
Every single time
You called up to me
We had conversations on phone
Like little cutesy kids,
Having so much fun,so fun..
When you first saw me, you came up to me
Ignoring the others behind you,
Behind you..
Turning back I realised
You were so wrong,really wrong..
I trusted you
But you let it all away
Like pink roses,being thrown away
So how about my feelings
What do you say to me?
To me?
Its not me...
Hurt,pain,betrayal
The feelings I kept inside
Its killing me,can't you hear me?
No you cant,you cant..
Cause you'll never know,
Never asking me
You act like like you know,
But the truth is you don't..
Its all so fake..so fake..
Jealousy aroused you,
You wanted everything I had
Sometimes I gave it to you,
It hurts when you didn't appreciate
You took me for granted
You don't know how I felt,really felt..
The hearts' that had,
stopped beating for you
Replacing with burning fire,
Of anger.
Here I am giving you away,
Forgetting all about you
Just can't stand you,no more.
Can't believe in you anymore,
Emptiness that surrounds me
Reaching the soul of agony
Hatredness just for you,
For you..
So tell me,how I am doing?
So ask me,how do you do?
Right now.
But all I can say is,
Its you...you..
Betraying me.
Check out too...
YAWP! at Hwa Chong JC
The Hearts of Youth Shall Not Be Dampened
8 comments:
Urm hey.My poem is mostly about relationships.Friendship or love,depend on the readers:]Well,I put it as betrayal cause its something that mostly everyone might have faced before,once in a lifetime.So it kinds of reflect the situation on people being joyful,confused,and well hurt at the same time.Its life right..So hope you guys enjoyed it. =/ & feel free to give comments or anything(its like my first time publishing in a lit blog.wow!)okay thanks.
Yes, i can relate to that in some ways, i'm sure everyone goes through that at some point in their life.( those who haven't...well, good luck!)
I like how at a certain point in the poem the girl realises that it wouldn't do her any good to stay with her friend any more. The last three stanzas, shows her maturity in not hanging on any longer to things that make her unhappy.But there is also a degree of bitterness i sense.
I don't know if *I* make sense or not, but anyway, its a good start for your first poem, Fatinah!
Thanks:],yeah,like I said it depends on the readers and your perspective is correct too.2 sides in everything. Anyway how bout the others?Any comments you guys want to share?heh.
To me, the reader, the overall feeling that I get from this poem is that it starts rather soft, gentle and seemed almost nostalgic, thinking about the fun times, 'Like little cutesy kids,/Having so much fun,so fun..'.
However, as the recollection of past events accumulates, so does the anger. Words like 'killing', 'fake', 'hurts', 'burning fire' and 'hatredness' regularly emphasise the growing pain and anger. Hence, I feel that the poem ends with a somewhat very heavy load in the heart that is burdened by the snowballed angst.
The poet appears unable to let go and move on as the memories return to haunt even after time has past. Questions like 'how I am doing' and 'how do you do'will only reveal answers like 'you../Betraying me'. Even the questions themselves hint of the time that might have passed and that other party had perhaps forgotten the hurt he/she had caused. Sigh!
What do the rest of you think/feel? Does anyone care to take on the 'pink rose' and what it might symbolise?
I feel that this poem can be both talking about friendship and relationship. From the first two lines of stanza 3, it can be applied to either a person wanting to make a new friend or that the person was interested in the poet. "I trusted you But you let it all away" may show that a friend betrayed the poet or that they were in a relationship and the person broke the poet's heart.
'pink rose' denotes friendship or someone special or close to her. i feel that this poem reflects on her close friend whom she had put on much trust on her and had betrayed her unknowingly. it also shows the hatred and sadness in her.
Its Asidah and Era here. We think the poem evokes the feelings of readers. It shows what the poet has encountered before as it is a first speaker poem.
More like a love triangle but its a 'friendship' triangle actually. "Jealousy aroused you,/ You wanted everything I had/
Sometimes I gave it to you,"
this poem can be talking about friendship and relationship betrayal. in the second last stanza, she uses simile saying she cannot believe in "you" anymore..
she has hatred just for"you"
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